Unfit for Duty

In soldier terms, being labeled "unfit for duty" represents something shameful..... unsoldierly....... weak. To them you are useless, maybe even lazy or scared. People who can't pass a physical fitness test or struggle to keep their weight down are "unfit for duty". People who are depressed or suffer from mental illness. We see in the news all the soldiers coming back from Afghanistan without a limb or having had serious injuries and still they want to go back to fight next to their brothers and sisters. They are strong, not weak.

While I never served overseas, this week I was given the red stamp "unfit for duty". I will not be going to Iraq. In a few weeks (hopefully less) I will be going home. After seeing the orthopedic specialist and having several x-rays of my spine, they determined that my scoliosis is significant (much more than I thought! I had never seen the x-rays before!) and participating in activities necessary while overseas could cause further serious injury and chronic pain. Not only am I exempt from this mobilization, but I am now being processed out of the Army altogether. I am done.

I feel very mixed emotions about this. I feel elated that I can stay home (of course!) and can't wait to see my family again. At the latest I'll be home in early January before the Spring semester starts. It is a relief knowing that I can't be called back again, as now the talk of a surge into Afghanistan will surely cause an increase in Inactive Reserve soldiers being mobilized.

On the other hand, I can't help but feel kinda sad too. I loved the Army and my job while I was active. It was intense and exciting. I felt like I did a pretty good job, got promoted, awarded, etc. We were blessed to be assigned to a strategic unit (not tactical). Compared to most others, we had it great.... cushy. Thousands didn't even get to come home from Iraq.

So, I can't help but feel kinda shamed that I am complaining about the little pain in my neck. I understand it is a legitimate issue, but compared to others who have lost their limbs or lives, my little pain seems more like an excuse. An excuse to get out of something I don't want to do. And it worked, but not without casting a shadow on my career as a soldier. And now, something I was very proud of having done will have to be swept under the rug and tucked away.